Adjustments, Sorrows & New Leases on Life
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Adjustments . . .
My father will always be a hopeless romantic. He asked my Mother to marry him on Valentine's Day and they were married on his birthday the following October. I was never sure whether these timely choices were also a means to allow him to never forget either date throughout the years. Each anniversary throughout their Life Journey together he has given my Mom a rose for each year. As 3 out of 4 children are born in July - they obviously celebrated this date throughout their lives. - I remember my delight when I figured this out. My Mom was a lady of a previous era - a contented stay at home Mom; who felt her role in life was her children, husband and home. All of which she loves and enjoys deeply.
Kathleen and Neil Parlette; my parents are both 85 and will be married 65 years this upcomming September. I own my being vertically challenged honestly - as my parents never really "tall"; now shrunk with the years, they now both are well under 5' making me feel "tall". I remember feeling the same sense of height as a teenager with my Mom's Mom as she bent low with arthritic aging.
Earlier this spring my Mother had finally recovered from a close encounter with death from a prevoius illness. For the first time in ages she was able to go out - albeit in a wheel chair and participate in the outside world. It was just after this wonderful expedition I took the above photos. Never for a moment anticipating a week later she would be in hospital with a stroke and paralysed on the left side.
As strokes go Mom was fortunate - as she maintains her memory - speech - use of her right side - so thankfulness is present to many degrees. The hardest part is she no longer can be cared for easily at home - although if things improve a bit this might be possible. The home she is in is adequate - how she is looked after is also adequate - as even this level of care is the best most long care facilities manage to achieve with their crowded spaces. Basic things have to be sought after and no one seems to feel the need to make sure things are followed through, Dad is quickly learning not to rely on much and to double check everything which needs to take place.
It seems that if my parents agree to sign a seperation agreement - the government will assist more in the cost of the facility . I can understand why it is to happen - that in reality it doesem't really count - but for some reason this really has jarred my essence.
After Tom and I moved further away - I used to call my Mom weekly for long chats about all sorts of subjects which sometimes became hours in length. Over the past 10 years of such conversations I learnt a great deal about what she felt about many things on many levels. A bit righteous I realize now in retrospect but I always felt I "made" these calls for her .. now that they no longer can take palce - I realize - they were also for me.
Time will pass and hopefully her ache for going home will lessen if it cannot be a reality; and perhaps we will all adapt and process this new family structure we are now presented with.
Sadly my Mother Kathleen Parlette (nee Baron) passed away June 16th,2009. We all miss her.
Double Sorrows . .
Tom's Sister Joan passed away last month at her daughter Linda's home in Terrace B.C. after an extended illness. tom and I went to a lovely memorial tea at her daughter Mary's home in Oshawa on April the 30th. Saw many family members we had not seen in a long time. Tom and I always appreciated the extra effort she made on her trips East to come and visit us up here in the boonies.
My sister - in - law Mary - my brother Bill's wife died in her sleep May 16th. at their home in Scarborough. Her courageous battle with "Lou Gehrig's" Disease will be in my mind for a long time. I t was a blessing that the end came peacefully - though very unexpected as things had just started to get really tough. My brother Bill spent the last year by her side caregiving her single handedly until just the past month or so. His ability to anticipate her needs - resolve unexpected problems quickly as they arose were beyond anything I could have acheived myself. My heart goes out to him with love and affection.
This poem is for Joan and Mary.
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
Mary Frye (1932)
New Leases on Life . . .
Home at last! - it is only a matter of time and good behavior (the hard part) before I am feeling 100%. Tom is being like a mother hen ;-) protective and helpful with all the tiny bits; it is an interesting side of him I had not seen before.
On the 3rd. of May at 3 am I awoke with a strange feeling - asked Tom for an asprin and said we needed 911 - went by ambulance to the emergency in Peterborough - Tom followed close behind. I had a small heart attack and was put in ICU in Peterborough as the pain didn't subside. I started to feel fine and the Nitro helped the pain so I chose not to have an Angiogram and left for home on Sat the 6th. with Nitro Spray in hand hoping to deal with this in a more sensitive way for my MCS via my EI Doctor in Ottawa.
Fate decided to give me a swift kick in the behind and told me to stop being so stupid as I had a 2nd small heart attack on the Sat. 6th before we had even gotten out of Peterborough; so we went back to the emergency - jumped the line to get re-admitted - in fact within 30 minutes I was back in the same bed I had just vacated in the ICU to the poorly hidden amusement of the nurses I had just said good bye to.
Had an Angiogram on Monday which showed only one artery with any problems and unfortunately it was 80% blocked in one area and 40% in another near by.
They maintained the pain with Morphine and a nitro drip - on Thrursday evg. I was sent by helicopter to the Heart Institute in Ottawa - on Friday morning for Angioplasty - they ballooned opened the 80% which was closer to 90% put in a $5,000.00 stent in - which I like to think is purple in colour not just a robotic metal toned mesh - then they squished the 40 % area flat. Presto I was to recovery for a not recommended process but it certainly was easier than open heart surgery. Peggy and Tom arrived on Saturday and Peggy drove us safely home.
Had it been just the stent process; they tell me I'd already be feeling wonderful but it is the 2 small heart attacks which set me back. There will be 6 -12 weeks healing - fortunately my heart has to deal with only minimum irreversible damage and gain strength via other routes - so I am to take life easy for a bit and gradually gain strength as I heal ;-)
Walked 1/10 mile at the lowest speed on my tread mill - then napped 2 hours - not a very equal equation but this too will improve in time. So there is no need to worry - the hard part is done and after I heal I will actually be "better" than before shape as my heart will be happier getting it's full blood supply ;-)) Yesterday Tom and I walked the loop to the pond very slowly - in bug gear no less - as it is the weather and time for mosquitos.
So happy to now be at home; once I finish detoxifying from my hospital sojourn; things will look better as days pass.
I am dealing with a bit of inner angst as I had just started with my newly found EI doctor and was feeling such improvement. I had to sadly postpone my second appointment with her but will remake it hopefully for the same time I have to see the university of Ottawa Heart Institute specialist in 4 -6 weeks. Even the Heart Institute felt the Elimination Rotation Eating Plan she had given me could not be topped.
I have four major prescriptions to take - plus some coated baby asprin - hopefully not all of them have to remain as I heal - something I have problems with because of my MCS - are some precription medicines; especially as some effect the liver and mine already has enzyme elevation this will have to be watched carefully. Time will tell as to how smoothly this will take place.
But what the heck here I am now with a wonderful clean artery which I did not know was clogged - the knowlege that all the others are just great and only a tiny bit of healing to do and I will be off and running once again.
Life path changes happen whether you wish them to or not it seems.
This is another of my saved tidbits. Reading makes one tingle, especially once you feel the whole fantastic essence of the piece.
I so enjoyed - hope you do also . . .
To Conjure, even for a moment the wistfullness which is the past is like trying to gather in one's arms the hyacithine colour of the distance, BUT if it is once acheived, what sweetness!
- like the gentle, fugitive fragrance of spring flowers, dried with bergamot and bay.
How the tears will spring in the reading of some old parchment - " . . . . to my dear child, my tablets and my ring "
- or of yellowed letters, with the love still fresh and fair in them, though the ink has faded - " . . . and so goodnight, my dearest heart, and God send you happy . . . '
That vivid present of theirs, how faint it grows!
The past is only the present become invisable and mute; and because it is invisable and mute, its memoried glances and its murmurs are infinately precious. We are tomorrow's past. Even now we slip away like those pictures painted on moving dials of antique clocks - a ship. a cottage, sun and moon, a nosegay. The dial turns, the ship rises up and sinks again; - the yellow sun has set; and we, that were the new thing gather magic as we go.
The whirr of the spinning wheels has ceased in our parlors, and we hear no more the treadles of the loom, the swift, silken noise of the flung shuttle, The intermittent thud of the batten. But the imagination hears them and theirs is the melody of romance. . .
- from a lady called Mary Webb fron the forward written 1924 - Precious Bane
So there we are another long take with so many bits which tied together - I hope you enjoyed this wander - check often as I add bits and pieces at the darndest times.
Walk in Peace in the warmth of Grandfather Sun's Smile.
Sharon
"Touch the Earth
Listen to the Rocks
They Remember . . . "
If you have any comments or would like to contact me: birzz@yahoo.com
Maiden - Mother - Crone
Kathleen and Neil Parlette; my parents are both 85 and will be married 65 years this upcomming September. I own my being vertically challenged honestly - as my parents never really "tall"; now shrunk with the years, they now both are well under 5' making me feel "tall". I remember feeling the same sense of height as a teenager with my Mom's Mom as she bent low with arthritic aging.
Earlier this spring my Mother had finally recovered from a close encounter with death from a prevoius illness. For the first time in ages she was able to go out - albeit in a wheel chair and participate in the outside world. It was just after this wonderful expedition I took the above photos. Never for a moment anticipating a week later she would be in hospital with a stroke and paralysed on the left side.
As strokes go Mom was fortunate - as she maintains her memory - speech - use of her right side - so thankfulness is present to many degrees. The hardest part is she no longer can be cared for easily at home - although if things improve a bit this might be possible. The home she is in is adequate - how she is looked after is also adequate - as even this level of care is the best most long care facilities manage to achieve with their crowded spaces. Basic things have to be sought after and no one seems to feel the need to make sure things are followed through, Dad is quickly learning not to rely on much and to double check everything which needs to take place.
It seems that if my parents agree to sign a seperation agreement - the government will assist more in the cost of the facility . I can understand why it is to happen - that in reality it doesem't really count - but for some reason this really has jarred my essence.
After Tom and I moved further away - I used to call my Mom weekly for long chats about all sorts of subjects which sometimes became hours in length. Over the past 10 years of such conversations I learnt a great deal about what she felt about many things on many levels. A bit righteous I realize now in retrospect but I always felt I "made" these calls for her .. now that they no longer can take palce - I realize - they were also for me.
Time will pass and hopefully her ache for going home will lessen if it cannot be a reality; and perhaps we will all adapt and process this new family structure we are now presented with.
Sadly my Mother Kathleen Parlette (nee Baron) passed away June 16th,2009. We all miss her.
Tom's Sister Joan passed away last month at her daughter Linda's home in Terrace B.C. after an extended illness. tom and I went to a lovely memorial tea at her daughter Mary's home in Oshawa on April the 30th. Saw many family members we had not seen in a long time. Tom and I always appreciated the extra effort she made on her trips East to come and visit us up here in the boonies.
My sister - in - law Mary - my brother Bill's wife died in her sleep May 16th. at their home in Scarborough. Her courageous battle with "Lou Gehrig's" Disease will be in my mind for a long time. I t was a blessing that the end came peacefully - though very unexpected as things had just started to get really tough. My brother Bill spent the last year by her side caregiving her single handedly until just the past month or so. His ability to anticipate her needs - resolve unexpected problems quickly as they arose were beyond anything I could have acheived myself. My heart goes out to him with love and affection.
This poem is for Joan and Mary.
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
Mary Frye (1932)
Home at last! - it is only a matter of time and good behavior (the hard part) before I am feeling 100%. Tom is being like a mother hen ;-) protective and helpful with all the tiny bits; it is an interesting side of him I had not seen before.
On the 3rd. of May at 3 am I awoke with a strange feeling - asked Tom for an asprin and said we needed 911 - went by ambulance to the emergency in Peterborough - Tom followed close behind. I had a small heart attack and was put in ICU in Peterborough as the pain didn't subside. I started to feel fine and the Nitro helped the pain so I chose not to have an Angiogram and left for home on Sat the 6th. with Nitro Spray in hand hoping to deal with this in a more sensitive way for my MCS via my EI Doctor in Ottawa.
Fate decided to give me a swift kick in the behind and told me to stop being so stupid as I had a 2nd small heart attack on the Sat. 6th before we had even gotten out of Peterborough; so we went back to the emergency - jumped the line to get re-admitted - in fact within 30 minutes I was back in the same bed I had just vacated in the ICU to the poorly hidden amusement of the nurses I had just said good bye to.
Had an Angiogram on Monday which showed only one artery with any problems and unfortunately it was 80% blocked in one area and 40% in another near by.
They maintained the pain with Morphine and a nitro drip - on Thrursday evg. I was sent by helicopter to the Heart Institute in Ottawa - on Friday morning for Angioplasty - they ballooned opened the 80% which was closer to 90% put in a $5,000.00 stent in - which I like to think is purple in colour not just a robotic metal toned mesh - then they squished the 40 % area flat. Presto I was to recovery for a not recommended process but it certainly was easier than open heart surgery. Peggy and Tom arrived on Saturday and Peggy drove us safely home.
Had it been just the stent process; they tell me I'd already be feeling wonderful but it is the 2 small heart attacks which set me back. There will be 6 -12 weeks healing - fortunately my heart has to deal with only minimum irreversible damage and gain strength via other routes - so I am to take life easy for a bit and gradually gain strength as I heal ;-)
Walked 1/10 mile at the lowest speed on my tread mill - then napped 2 hours - not a very equal equation but this too will improve in time. So there is no need to worry - the hard part is done and after I heal I will actually be "better" than before shape as my heart will be happier getting it's full blood supply ;-)) Yesterday Tom and I walked the loop to the pond very slowly - in bug gear no less - as it is the weather and time for mosquitos.
So happy to now be at home; once I finish detoxifying from my hospital sojourn; things will look better as days pass.
I am dealing with a bit of inner angst as I had just started with my newly found EI doctor and was feeling such improvement. I had to sadly postpone my second appointment with her but will remake it hopefully for the same time I have to see the university of Ottawa Heart Institute specialist in 4 -6 weeks. Even the Heart Institute felt the Elimination Rotation Eating Plan she had given me could not be topped.
I have four major prescriptions to take - plus some coated baby asprin - hopefully not all of them have to remain as I heal - something I have problems with because of my MCS - are some precription medicines; especially as some effect the liver and mine already has enzyme elevation this will have to be watched carefully. Time will tell as to how smoothly this will take place.
But what the heck here I am now with a wonderful clean artery which I did not know was clogged - the knowlege that all the others are just great and only a tiny bit of healing to do and I will be off and running once again.
Life path changes happen whether you wish them to or not it seems.
I so enjoyed - hope you do also . . .
To Conjure, even for a moment the wistfullness which is the past is like trying to gather in one's arms the hyacithine colour of the distance, BUT if it is once acheived, what sweetness!
- like the gentle, fugitive fragrance of spring flowers, dried with bergamot and bay.
How the tears will spring in the reading of some old parchment - " . . . . to my dear child, my tablets and my ring "
- or of yellowed letters, with the love still fresh and fair in them, though the ink has faded - " . . . and so goodnight, my dearest heart, and God send you happy . . . '
That vivid present of theirs, how faint it grows!
The past is only the present become invisable and mute; and because it is invisable and mute, its memoried glances and its murmurs are infinately precious. We are tomorrow's past. Even now we slip away like those pictures painted on moving dials of antique clocks - a ship. a cottage, sun and moon, a nosegay. The dial turns, the ship rises up and sinks again; - the yellow sun has set; and we, that were the new thing gather magic as we go.
The whirr of the spinning wheels has ceased in our parlors, and we hear no more the treadles of the loom, the swift, silken noise of the flung shuttle, The intermittent thud of the batten. But the imagination hears them and theirs is the melody of romance. . .
- from a lady called Mary Webb fron the forward written 1924 - Precious Bane
Walk in Peace in the warmth of Grandfather Sun's Smile.
Sharon
"Touch the Earth
Listen to the Rocks
They Remember . . . "
If you have any comments or would like to contact me: birzz@yahoo.com
Maiden - Mother - Crone